Depression and Anxiety: The Gamer’s Story

When depression or anxiety affects a work colleague, a friend, a friend’s family member or someone dear to your heart, it becomes surreal. Somehow, one begins to truly understand the kind of battle these individuals have to fight everyday.

May I share some stories of people I personally know who experienced these feelings or condition. Each story is individualized and as such, each person coped differently. I write these to help raise awareness. That’s all.

Photo by Soumil Kumar on Pexels.com

The Gamer’s Story:

“Did you know that I may have had depression?  A few years ago, I left home due to a family misunderstanding. It was then that I started to be overwhelmed with feelings of being useless and that I was a ‘good-for-nothing’ human being. There were times when I found it difficult to get out of bed and do just about anything. Everyone thought I was just being lazy. I was hesitant to talk about what I was going through. I assumed that it would be dismissed as “just one of those days.”

It became worse when I was often left on my own in the house.

It hit me.  I was all alone. Loneliness got real.

Thoughts on ending my life? They did cross my mind. But I could not bring myself to hurt my loved ones. Not that way. I could not let them suffer picking up the pieces and live with unresolved guilt forever.

I had to force myself instead to try to live a normal life amongst those around me. Life became a routinary blur of work to house and vice versa. During this time, I immersed myself into online gaming.  Looking back, it has, in a way, diverted my mind off miserable thoughts. It still does. Suddenly, I was not alone anymore. I was talking to people. Online. But, I was communicating. More importantly, there was something to look forward to the next day…and the next.

Today, am I better? Maybe. My online gaming turned into a live streaming channel and has built a considerable number of followers. Some gamers became my friends. I was able to travel and meet them in person. To this day, we have kept in touch constantly.

I am back home. I still have those days when I get glued to my bed, but I would like to believe that I am now better equipped to deal with that. I have opened up to my family in the hope that they will have a better understanding when I fall into the dark again.”

The other stories soon to follow. The Onlookers’ Stories

A Photography Journey: Finding My Place

Definitely, an ongoing exciting journey.

My interest in photography has developed over time. It took awhile before my photo collections found their categorical place on my social media accounts.

I call myself an amateur photographer. I don’t use any sophisticated gadget but my mobile phone camera. Still, I take pride in what I was able to put together; my snapshots, my edits, my own perspectives.

Below is one of my photos on Instagram.

https://instagram.com/p/Bh2NZbVA53T/

I recall a verbal English proficiency exam years ago when I was randomly asked about photography. The question took me by surprise.  My reply was simple. Basic. “Photography starts with the use of a camera as the foremost tool for taking important images. These images are embedded with memories of a lifetime. Photography has made it possible for these precious memories to be printed-off and be filed in a photo album.”

A travel snapshot shared on Google+

Photography became a passion when I was able to travel more, even halfway around the globe. I could not simply ignore the scenic views and the magnificent panorama that I thought I would never have the chance to see with my own eyes! I needed to document every experience and my camera made that possible.

I was cynical when the DSLR cameras first came out as they were huge and heavy. It was kind of unsettling because, for someone like me who isn’t tech savvy, they looked complex to use. All I wanted was to take photos with less fuss and fiddle.

However, times indeed, change. Social  media sharing became rampant. I, too, was caught in it. Who wasn’t?

The mobile phone companies smartly embraced this change and the smartphone invasion became unstoppable. Of course, I jumped into the bandwagon and thank heavens I did! I ditched my other camera(not totally, I still use it from time to time) for the more convenient, truly handy and user-friendly mobile phone.

The ease of taking photographs with my smartphone has immensely kindled the hobby more. Also, with the advent and continued availability of free, easy-to-apply photo editing applications, photography has never been more fun to explore. I, for one, can say that the innovation of the mobile phone camera has made the art of photography more accessible to a lot of amateur enthusiasts like you and me. So, let’s keep it up and click away!

Here’s what inspires me:

Do visit my photos on Instagram

My photo collections on Google+

This journey continues:

I Got Blocked!

ARCHWAY (Variations in a Theme) Weekly Photo Challenge

Variations in a Themehttps://dailypost.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/variations-on-a-theme/

Shapes of arch everywhere. From the ceiling, the doorway and the windows. These caught my interest and so here is a photo of the ‘archway’ in this particular aisle of Chichester Cathedral, West Sussex, England.

My Morning Calm (weekly photo challenge: Silence)

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/2018/01/17/silence-2/

One of the things I always look forward to whenever I visit my hometown is the early morning walk that leads to this river on a mountain. It is a breathtaking retreat from a busy life miles away. The silence is beautifully broken by the steady flow of the water which brings about a certain calmness to the mind and readiness to face a new day.

The Kind of Writer I Am

My blog has been idle for some time now. It made me think of the reasons why. Thus, discovering who I might be as a writer/blogger.

Time constraints? It is a cliche but I simply lack the time. It was when I took a break from work that I got interested in blogging. My mind was full of ideas and and I have had more time then to put them into writing.

Being back to work full-time has made me just want to come home at the end of every shift and rest and relax. Oh, yes. I’ve tried to concentrate and write after work or on my days off. I have always managed a few sentences until I felt ‘I just wanna laze out as I’ve got work (again) tomorrow’.

So to be able to write, I need THE time…enough time.

Writer’s block? It shouldn’t be. Inspiration abounds! Life never runs out of experiences to opine on. The problem occurs (I know that now) when I play safe on how to express these opinions. While others are bold and gutsy about a lot of issues, I’m not. I always have to rack my brains out to find the right and acceptable words to use for fear of reprisals. And when I can’t, I get frustrated, I stop.

There you go, that says a lot about me as a blogger. I have created my own ‘writer’s block’. When will I muster enough courage to tell it as it is?

Language barrier? Okay, I am lucky that in my home country, the medium of instruction is English and correct grammar  is strictly enforced. But, even so, English is not my first language. Finding the right words when writing means the right English version, too. It is easier to articulate one’s thoughts and emotions by using a familiar language or dialect. This is true to both writing and when in a normal conversation.

Therefore, in my attempt to get my point across clearly, my rough drafts get shelved for proofreading and editing again and again until they get dismissed and unpublished.

So maybe, this is the kind of writer/blogger I am:

I need time.

I hesitate to tell it as it is.

Perfectionist (if this is the right term) with words.

Does it matter if these traits are right or wrong if they do get me into writing?

Am I even a writer at all?

This is Me

I am that tree

my hands are free

my roots have spread

beyond the earth

 

my life imbedded

my reign, in depth

the sky, this ground

my cradle, my turf.

Summer in and around Llandudno, North Wales

The Promenade and The Pier

the view of the pier from the promenade

It was on a whim and a last-minute family decision to travel to North Wales and explore Llandudno which then turned out to be a pleasant discovery of an old-fashioned coastal town in a first-world country.

After an exhausting but uneventful six-hour drive from the South of England, we arrived at our hotel that was conveniently situated on the seafront and just a few steps away from the scenic Llandudno Promenade. The whole vista was indeed a welcome sight to behold!

It got my expectations of the town all hyped-up.

main entrance of the hotel

seafront and beyond

Determined to make the most of our short stay, we were at the promenade just as soon as we have unpacked. Our leisurely walk along the pebbled shore was accompanied by the intermittent squawking of flying seagulls. They seemed to be everywhere and spontaneously appearing out of nowhere! Well, that was an inevitability we have had to accept. These seabirds were bound to be visible in their natural habitat and territory.

seagulls were everywhere and they squawked a lot!

We then came across a sandy part of the beach when we realised we’ve reached the mouth of Llandudno Pier. A waft of freshly baked donuts filled the air. They were a temptation one couldn’t say no to.

We gobbled up our donuts with gusto as we made our way towards the end of the pier. Noticeably audible as we plodded on was the familiar sound of country music. Hmmm. Definitely American. And so, there it was; a stall selling music CDs of just that! (yes, CDs. I did say ‘old-fashioned, right?)

I would say that it is rather a rarity in England to hear this music genre.

Before settling abroad,  I lived in a place in the Philippines listening to the likes of Johnny Cash and George Strait. To have been able to listen to them again in a pier in far-away Llandudno brought wonderful memories of home.

Llandudno pier, the longest in Wales

Midway into the pier was a mini kiddie fair where families with young children got fascinated with the rides and games on offer. Llandudno is also a definite if you are looking for a family-friendly summer retreat.

The panoramic view of the Llandudno coast from the longest pier in Wales was worth the trip. A glimpse of old hotel buildings lined up along the seaside is quite a landmark. No wonder Llandudno attracts a lot of visitors, old and young alike.

The same can be said about the view from a reasonably-priced boat ride that we took the next day.

Regrettably, the famous cable cars were not operational due to the windy weather.

A summer night stroll has revealed that Elvis Presley is a common favourite in Llandudno. Many hotels that we have passed by featured a nightly entertainment of an Elvis impersonation…his music, his moves, attire and all.

And guess what? Our hotel did, too.

Our room was above the entertainment hall and as it was an old building, we could actually hear the reverberating sound of ‘Jailhouse Rock’ as we slept and looked forward to another summer day in Llandudno.

Out There

What’s beyond

is up to you

free your mind

imagine every kind

 

anything nice?

or something gory

dare to go

out there to know.

‘Of The Sea’

There were four

That became two

‘Of the sea’

Just  you and me.

When the world shook

An arm kept me safe

‘Of the sea’

Did it for me.

 

Kept apart by miles and years

The flow of blood, fervent

That bridge between prevails

Unbroken, forever unburnt.

My love, respect and awe

Never lost, be in the know

I miss the big bro

Of the sea, so I speak.

To blog or not to blog

My daily routine of heading to work has been put on hold for sometime now. This has given me the opportunity to re-ignite hobbies of old: reading and writing. With more time to spare, I was able to read those paperbacks gathering dust on the shelf. I’ve unwrapped and read subscriptions of unopened journals and magazines.

Coincidentally, I have had this longing to write about my own culture the moment I realized its slow demise and how much I have actually taken it for granted.

To blog:  As I browsed through some old photos of my hometown, my ‘creative juices’ kicked off. I took courage and started writing(again). I heard about ‘blogging’ and decided to learn how to do it.

But first, I had to come up with a name.

This site, Opinions Matter, came to life.

Finally, my first attempt to blog about my roots, Hometown Fortress came to fruition.

As I continue to form my blog site, I knew I wanted to write more than about my culture.

I saw a window of opportunity to share my opinions from my heart’s point of view.

Over the weeks, not only have I discovered that blogging is an avenue for self-expression but also a way of knowing the eccentricities and convictions of other people. Blogging has indeed widened my writing horizon.

To blog more: My determination to share my culture in writing has not waned, therefore, a separate site, www.benguetsite.wordpress.com has been created.

I hope that through this specific site, I will be able to relay the significance of not just knowing but also remembering one’s culture and traditions. Hence, passing a priceless heritage to generations still to come.

You may click on Benguet Blogs in Menu to read about my life as a Kankanaey Igorota.

Otherwise, stay tuned to more of my opinionated blogs about a lot of things under the sun.